Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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