i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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