Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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