he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
