There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize