the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
