Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
