the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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