I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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