I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
