Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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