U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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