I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
