you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
