i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
