why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
