I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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