3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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