garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
