I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
