how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
