How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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