I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
This is my life. Enjoy the view
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
