That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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