I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
