Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
