Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
