i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
