I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
