Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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