i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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