I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
