I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
