I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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