so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
