is your mom at the bar?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
