We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
