i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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