Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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