it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
