Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We had sex on a dog bed..
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
