Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
there's paper in my vomit.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
