we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
