forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
