3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
