im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
