Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
