toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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