Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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