how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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