why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
