Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
