did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
