Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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