okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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