I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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