We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
