hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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