I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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